I Confess: The Struggle With PRIDE

My greatest battle on my walk with God thus far has been the battle of Pride. If you know me, I'm a planner. I like order and organization so spontaneity can be a bit of a challenge at times. I'm definitely not the "wing-it" type! I need to know the details! So on this walk of faith, I've struggled with not having all the details about my life. I often find myself asking, "God, when will my moment come? When will I get through this phase of life? Why aren't things going the way I planned or imagined?" 

With God, He has this funny way of revealing things to you little by little until His BIG reveal. Everything always seems to come together at the right time, but the waiting in between that time is what's difficult. Often times, I begin to lose hope during "the wait" so eventually develop the idea that I somehow know what's best for me based on what I can physically see & I start to make my own decisions without God's approval. (Like the time I tried to hunt for a part-time job knowing it would affect my sabbath and the serving commitments I made at church, so not God's plan!)   

I've learned that God's ways and thoughts are higher than mine and there is always a bigger picture behind my circumstances. That’s a big pill to swallow! That means I always have to be willing to surrender my will over to the Father...trusting that He always knows what's best regardless of what it looks like. 

 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

(Isaiah 55:8-9)

"Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?

 (Romans 11:33-34)

 “Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come.I say, ‘My purpose will stand and I will do all that I please.”

(Isaiah 46:9-10)

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 Pride is Impatient: 

When things don't go my way I pout, I doubt, and I shout! Lol (shout outs to Dr. Seuss) I'm like a kindergartener who didn’t get my turn on the swing lol. When I sulk in my sorrow that's when my mind starts to come up with unconventional ways to get out of my situation instead of simply trusting the Father through it. I find myself in prayer some-what angry with God during these times. I'm like God WASSUP! WHERE YOU AT! YOU DON'T SEEM ME? UMMM HELLO, THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!! This pride eventually turns into worry, then fear, depression...so on and so on...only in a matter of days! I haven't even given God time to respond lol!  #LackOfPatience

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings."  

(Psalm 40:1-2) 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  

 (Philippians 4:6-7)

 The fear of sacrifice! That’s what I think leads to Pride... 

"But God, I want this" "But God, He's the one I just know it" "But God, this is MY dream" 

The thought of letting go of your plans for life is a struggle. Take it from me, I had all my hopes betting on my dreams of becoming a GBI Agent. I wanted to be in crime scene investigations. I went to college, then grad school, got the internship at GBI...all was going as planned...if not better. But I never stopped to consider God's plan for my life, so when my plans crashed and burned I was left looking like a child without gifts on Christmas! God had different plans in store for me...plans that did not involve the life I was trying to create.   

My pride kept me seeking out opportunities in law enforcement. When one door closed I'd try another, and another until eventually, I simply came to the understanding that this isn't what He's called me to do. It makes sense now, but at that time I was emotionally devastated. All that time I wasted in school, all to end up right back at the beginning. I felt like the children of Israel...I had went on a 40 year journey that only would have taken a couple days had I entrusted my plans to the Lord. Now I'm stuck with a mountain of school loans and working a job that is in no-way relevant to my degrees. (Thankful for my job though!)  

We often just make a plan and say, "Ok Lord, I figured out everything. So just bless my choices and I'll take it from here thanks!" I often wonder where I'd be by now had I'd sought God's plan for my life long ago instead of allowing my pride to lead. Thanksfully, God works everything out for our good, so I have no regrets! 

Pride Is A Poison 

As I look back over my life, I realize I've allowed pride to creep into various areas like: 

My Reactions, My Thoughts, & My Choices

For example, I once was offended by a friend. As a result, my reaction was to distance myself from them or hold a grudge toward them instead of seeking to understand them (they had no idea I was even offended). My thoughts began to race and eventually I started to justify why I didn't need to be the bigger person and confront the issue & how they should just somehow know how I feel and reach out to ME! Ultimately, I made the choice to continue wallowing in my pride all due to a senseless misunderstanding.  

Luckily, the wallowing didn’t last long. The Holy Spirit immediately corrected me.  Whenever I thought something negatively about the person He would remind me of what God's word said about them, He had me put myself in their shoes, and He told me I was flat out wrong for trying to justify my behavior and that I needed to fix it!. DANNNNNG HOLY SPIRIT!  

My thoughts, reactions, and choices were going against what God's word says about forgiveness and unconditional love. I was so caught up in my emotions that I was missing it and I was about to throw the deuces on a very important friendship. 

"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

(Matthew 18:15) 

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." 

(Matthew 5:23-24)

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Be Humble! 

There have been other times that I felt the Holy Spirit correct me immediately after I sinned but I choose to ignore Him. Luckily God's purist of me is relentless, and I come around to reality pretty quickly (2 days tops to be exact!). I never stray too far away from the Father and His truth...because I can't deny His word...the standard for which I base my entire life.  

See, Pride is very sneaky and that’s what makes it so dangerous. If its left un-checked it will demolish your character and steal your very soul. Just think of all the people in this world...so filled with pride they can't seem to notice how much they fail to value others...Be watchful of Pride in your life...Come down from your throne and humble yourself DAILY!  

"And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 

(James 4:6) 

               *Suggested Read: The Bait of Satan: Author John Bevere